We know what the mental health statistics look like for the LGBTQ+ community. And we know that one of the biggest reasons it looks so grim is that society is largely hostile for LGBTQ+ folks. Christians will tell you they are being persecuted when someone disagrees with them or when they’re not allowed to have a mandatory prayer in a public space. Meanwhile, people in the LGBTQ+ community are bullied, rejected by their families, fired for marrying the person they love or for transitioning, and even routinely killed by people who don’t think they should exist. 

Why is society so hostile to LGBTQ+ people? Why is it so hard to use someone’s name and pronouns? To be considerate and welcoming? 

Too often, Christians do not start with, or act out of, love. I can already hear the replies to even just this statement: but what about church teaching? Here’s the thing: a person’s relationship with God is between God and that person, and that includes whatever way church teaching affects them. It’s not anyone else’s business, and it’s not for anyone else to have any opinion about. Even family members. If you are obsessed with talking about how gay and trans people are sinful or going against church teaching etc, maybe it’s time to look in the mirror and question why you are so obsessed with other people’s faith lives. 

Some will say they have LGBTQ+ folks best interest at heart when they talk about how the right to gay civil unions should not be allowed and they call gender affirming healthcare mutilation. The justification for saying things like this is always essentially that it’s more loving to “be truthful and live in reality.” But these are the same people who only listen to one news source. Who only look for articles and research that support their opinions (but then call those opinions facts). The place to start is not your own fears and lack of understanding. The place to start is not legalism or quizzing LGBTQ+ people on doctrine. 

The place to start is by examining the ways many churches and christians are hostile to LGBTQ+ folks. To actually see concretely how social structures and policies exclude or critically single out people who are visibly part of the LGBTQ+ community and make it impossible for them to lead a life just like any other Christian. To see how the language is policed (you can’t talk about gender, you can’t say you’re “gay,” etc). LGBT Catholics are cut off from certain vocations, from serving in parish life, even from teaching at a Catholic school. 

Who someone loves is their business. Fully informed and consenting adults making their own medical choices is their own business. But if you want to know about what faith means to these people, why not listen to them? Why are you instead focused on analyzing, criticizing, and contradicting everything about them? Why are you so concerned about the appearance of being a heterosexual Catholic but not the action of being a loving follower of Christ? 

The church has good reasons for what it teaches and LGBTQ+ folks have good reasons for making their decisions. You already know church teaching. Now, why not get to know an LGBT person and work on the “loving your neighbor” part?

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